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HomeLeave 2010 part 3

August 29, 2010

It is time to return to the transient home defined by man and kitten, time to carry with me the inspiration and liveliness of the New World, time to rejuvenate my lost bounce, the mojo living in Italy drains from me.  But why does it happen?  When driving 20 minutes, finding a parking space, and buying tickets to a concert in a city an hour away is the most satisfying thing I’ve accomplished in ages, there is a disconnect.  Whatever is here that turns these people on, that makes them believe everything they have and do is the best in the world, is lost on me.  I’m afraid I just don’t have enough in common with Lady Italia.  But it is our means to the end of living near the rest of Europe… and Africa… and Asia.  Yet, I know something has gone missing because the man said he misses it.  Asking if I am okay, he only confirmed what I suspected.  Some days I don’t recognize myself, certainly not as someone I want to be; I feel juiceless, faded, dusty.  If I manage to retrieve from my suitcases the bounce I’ve been collecting in the US and Canada, I will have to be mindful of it, nurture it, find ways to keep it alive.

There is a box waiting at home from Dharma which excites me.  I don’t even remember what exactly I ordered, purple silk paint, a couple more hoop frames, Oh! a skirt and leggings and a little bag and a packet of dye to do them all.  As much as I love summer, being warm and all, I’m looking forward to fall clothes.  A trip to Jo~Ann Fabrics with my stylish seamstress sister has prepared me with some gorgeous fabric and 2 very simple patterns to make.  There is a dense warm fuzzy that comes with wearing my own work and being pleased with how it turned out.

And I have a kitten!  Raising her is a double-edged sword, though.  She makes me happy, but consumes my time and attention.  After this long vacation for us both, I hope her good habits return to her quickly.  I know we’re still paying into the future.  There is also a new walking vest awaiting her.  She feels less secure in her harness and can slip it too easily when something frightens her.  I’m hoping this new style, hand-made by a lovely woman in the UK, will keep her on the end of the lead and feeling more confident.  She does so enjoy prowling about outside. (Kiwi will model in a future post)

So, beyond just wondering what’s become of my mojo, the man fully supports doing whatever it takes to get it back.  We have brand new running shoes ~I have a brand new running habit; I hope the brand new aches and pains get over themselves~ and he has promised to run with me whenever / wherever, as the new girl friend who got me started has left the country for several months.  An uber healthy diet begins tomorrow to mitigate the ecstatic indulgences of HomeLeave.  Fruits and vegetables also make me happy; no creatures were killed, incarcerated, or torn from their mothers to provide my sustenance.  It’s getting very hard for me to feel good about eating, but at least in Italy the temptation toward “convenience” and trade-marked food products (and all their plastic packaging) isn’t there.  The produce is good (if absolutely seasonal).  And I know happy walking-around-in-a-field hens are the source of our eggs.

Yes, there is a renewed vision of my life, our life together.  Fall is a good time for it.  I’ve never quite lost the academic calendar in my heart; autumn is the time for beginnings, perhaps also because I entered this human experience myself in the fall.  The heat and leisure of summer pare away at so many different layers, leaving us washed and bare, ready to start over fresh with the freshening air.  Now swatches of California and yes, even Columbus, Ohio, cling to my spirit.  A cute new sweater makes me think of my mother and feel comforted; a pot of purple hair dye makes me feel a little wild.  I need to get my house sorted, spatially and emotionally, to clear my head and keep moving.

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