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Jumping In with Both Feet

September 3, 2010

They say when the student is ready, the master will appear.  I don’t know about masters, but you can read my state of mind, returning home (from being home).  Immediately after, opportunities began to crash onto my desk.  First, I’ve been sporadically reading a blog I found on a friend’s site.  The woman who writes it is offering an on-line class called Nurture Your Creativity and Be Bulletproof. That second part is about having a positive attitude.  Yeah, mine could use a little work.  And joining a group of people all wanting to grow their art and mine?  Sign me up.  So that starts next week.  Then the next day an email came in saying an American friend will begin instructing an ashtanga yoga class at the center… in two days, twice a week.  Count me in!  In fact, it began yesterday and it’s going to be good.

But now I’ve committed myself, mind and body, to two people outside my home and family, when I already feel like a bit of failure inside my home.  People ask what I do all day, having no job or children, and I can’t really say where the time goes.  My house is so far from as clean as my mother’s as to be laughable.  Dinners barely make it to the table and I’m just grateful the man is so agreeable.  Sure, much time passes at this laptop.  It is my connection to family, friends, and the world; repository of thoughts, memories, photos, schedules, and plans; entertainment center; and reference manual for everything. (Thank the Jobs for TimeCapsule)  The days pass quickly and I’m never bored.

Perhaps, now, adding commitments which I want and have chosen myself will move me to building more structure into the days, actual time management.  We’ve been here long enough that going to Town Hall, the bank, and the market all in one day no longer requires a lie down at the end.  Coffee, yes, but I can keep going.  Maybe that is the key; keep going.  When the man goes to sea, I make lists of things to do and what has been done, if only to justify my existence.  If every day begins with a list, it will end with what have I done all day.  Yes, yes, poor me.  If only you had my problems… (does your teller ever tell you the bank cannot take money today because the machine isn’t working? that was this morning.)  Well, as I am learning, we can’t know nor should we judge what plagues another.  We can only try to be our best.  I will put “Wrote Blog Post” on today’s list, right after “Attempted to Pay for Parking Permit.”  That is my best for today.

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